Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression | Report #1

Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression | Report #1

 

Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression | Report #1

In this mental health story article you will find

Report #1

  • Backstory

  • My mental health rollercoaster

  • Getting sick

  • Broken rib

  • Finding a new therapist

  • My therapy history

PTSD depression blog critical inner voice self harm

Mental health backstory

Right now, my negative inner voice is extra critical.  My self-harm is through the roof, and I am struggling to keep myself afloat.   I have identified the majority of my self-harm behaviors which can be found here.   I intend on tackling each issue in the hopes of brainstorming how to keep these issues to a minimum so make sure you subscribe for updates.

My mental health roller coaster

In a good place

It all started December of last year.  I was in a decent place with my mental health, regularly going to the gym, eating a well-balanced plant-based diet, having an overall better mood, and sleeping great.  This was all without my therapist who had to take maternity leave so I was staying afloat all on my own!

Getting sick

One day I was told by my sister in law that my nieces had contracted walking pneumonia, and since I had babysat recently I should be on the lookout.  Well, I started to get a small cough literally the next day.  A day later it was still light but I could tell it moved to a different spot in my lungs.  

I went to the VA emergency room expecting them to tell me that I had walking pneumonia.  After taking chest x-ray I was brought back to my screening room to wait for the results.  A short time later a nurse came in and told me they needed to put me on some sort of medicated IV fluids, and that I had full blown pneumonia.  

The doctor told me he was surprised I was even walking around let alone only suffering from a small cough.  They gave me antibiotics, released me from the hospital and in about 2 weeks my body had purged itself of the infection in my lungs and I was back in the gym feeling good as new.

Getting kicked while I was down

Then came another surprise visit to the ER.  I started getting some soreness in the middle of my back after going to the gym so I decided to pull out my black foam roller of death to work out whatever knot had formed.  As I rolled my back over the hard foam something popped and I couldn’t get up, the pain was excruciating.  

A broken rib

The next day I could barely get out of my hammock so back to the ER.  In the exact same screening room, I was told by the exact same doctor that I had a broken rib.  It was broke, but it had already started to heal.  

Uh, what!? I broke my rib and didn't even know it!?  

Best guess is that I broke my rib from coughing to hard.  Apparently, that is a thing that happens and it happened to me.

Being self destructive

Fast forward to now.   I have not been back to the gym since and I am starving myself. 

  • I don't feel like eating.

  • When I do eat it is just processed carbs.

  • I am sleeping like shit because I am always hungry but at the same time.

  • I would say I am “depression napping” but it is more like sleeping because it can be pretty much all day.

  • I won't let myself workout because I cannot do it the way I want to do it and even if I could do it the way I wanted to, I don't have the energy to do it anyways.

Time to find a new therapist

Being a former barrel-chested freedom fighter who disarmed bombs, jumped out of airplanes and helicopters I will be the first one to say that admitting to myself  and others that I had a mental health problem was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. 

Taking my first steps into the military clinic, breaking down in tears and telling a complete stranger that I needed help was harder than anything I had done in my military career, but I am so glad I did it.

Therapy history

I have had more therapist intakes than I would like to admit.  I tried and tried again to go to therapy through the VA, but the wait times are incredibly horrid when it comes to scheduling and when I did get something scheduled, I often wouldn't show up for the appointments because those therapists just didn't feel right. 

 

Having a therapist that I pay for has been a much better way to keep me going to therapy.  I am much more committed to going when I actually have to spend my own money to do it.   

What it was like meeting my new therapist

So this is really where I really get to decide whether or not I want this individual as my mental health professional.   I am paying money for this person, and if I feel like this isn't the type of person I want to share my inner thoughts with, then find someone after that session, I don't come back 

At first, I was extremely tense and fidgety, which is normal for me even if I don't even know that I am doing it.  After answering the initial questions about my background had been answered I settled into the chair and started to relax.  I must have been pretty rigid because she even commented on it.   We discussed EMDR and came up with a plan to work on the problems that are currently affecting me the most which I will discuss more in the future so make sure you subscribe!

Forget beds 9 pros & cons of sleeping in a hammock full time

Forget beds 9 pros & cons of sleeping in a hammock full time

You said the room was clear!  IED smack dab in the middle

You said the room was clear! IED smack dab in the middle