EMDR uncovers another painful memory and is set free

EMDR uncovers another painful memory and is set free

MENTAL HEALTH STORIES OF BATTLING PTSD AND DEPRESSION | EMDR REPORT #4

EMDR therapy creative art therapy drawing

EMDR Report #4

In my 4th EMDR session story you will find: 

  • Feeling pretty good going into therapy

  • Recapping in between sssions

  • EMDR session

  • A painful memory

  • OMG pets are haunting me

  • Finally a positive EMDR memory

  • Complete whiteout

  • Final thoughts

Feeling pretty good going into therapy

For a change, this EMDR therapy session started out with me feeling pretty well. My intermittent fasting has been keeping my mood elevated and my communication skills seem to be on point.

Recapping in between sessions

I had a week long gap therapy between my last therapy session so we had a brief recap of things that happened in between sessions.   I told her about my four day fast and how I’m currently doing intermittent fasting and feeling much better. She commented about me looking and acting brighter which I attributed to the fasting.

EMDR session

We started started the EMDR session off just like every other EMDR sessions so far with my phone memory.   After a few rounds of finger tracking I had a memory floated into my vision.  I was a child pushing my guinea pig around in a red Barbie Corvette.   There were no feelings attached to this and I thought it was an odd thing to be remembering, but having gone through enough EMDR now I knew the odd memory would be dragging something else with it.

A painful memory

When I spoke the memory out loud, it felt as ridiculous as when it popped into my head which made my therapist laugh.  The next round of finger tracking linked guinea pig in the red corvette to all of my past pets.  This pulled placed a painful memory in front of me. 

OMG PETS ARE HAUNTING ME

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I had a pet tarantula and I let starve to death.   The memory of him laying there wilted and the realization that it was because of me was almost like reliving it all over again.   It was so vivid, almost like a flashback.  On the next iteration of finger tracking an almost sickening realization hit me.   

When I was little I didn’t have any friends other  than my pets and I had let my only friend starve to death.   

It seems that I have let most of my friendships wither and die off much like my tarantula.  

Finally a positive emdr memory

The story behind the memory

The story starts in winter at the local gas station in my hometown.   I was visiting my AIR QUOTES girlfriend at the time and I assume I was just hanging BSing in the gas station..   The forecast called for a severe blizzard, one of the storms where you could just sense that it was going to be bad.

Prior to the blizzard there had not been  much snow on the ground, but once it hit it was a complete white out.

 

An elderly woman came in to the store and walked right up to me asking if I could help her get to a neighboring town about 8 miles south of there.  

I had forgotten this memory up until my EMDR session.  Her piercing blue terrified eyes came into my memory, begging me to help her get to her husband.

 She certainly chose the right person because I love driving around in crazy weather so I hopped in my 1985 Grand Prix and slowly blazed a trail down the highway for her. 

COMPLETE WHITE OUT

It was a complete white out.   The 8 mile drive which should’ve taken about 10 minutes took about 45 driving about 5 miles an hour down the middle of the road.  We didn't see a single other car the whole way.  We made it the local gas station in the neighboring town where her husband was going to meet her.   I was getting ready to leave when she came up to my car with some cash to give me.  

I told her that I wasn't interested in the money, but she firmly insisted so I took it.

After telling my therapist the story she asked how it made me feel.  ( Of course )  I told her it made me feel good, and that I enjoyed helping others when I can.  

Thoughts after the therapy session

  • I need to the pain of these memories as a learning lessons.

  • Ignoring the pain means that I will never heal and never grow.

  • I am grateful for the courage to face these painful memories so they can be set free and leave me the f@ck alone.

  • I have realized that I have had a horrible track record with animals in my childhood, but I am proud to admit that this is no longer the case.

 

Got in a fight with my partner now I’m living in my van

Got in a fight with my partner now I’m living in my van

1 amazing way art therapy helped me be open with my partner

1 amazing way art therapy helped me be open with my partner