Sharing my path from inner negativity to outer positivity

Sharing my path from inner negativity to outer positivity

Sharing my path from inner negativity to outer positivity

 Talking to my inner child.

Talking to my inner child.

Welcome fellow traveling I am here to show you a glimpse of what it is like to go from the negative, to the positive, or the darkness into the light.

Quote for this article: Follow the sheep, get lost in the herd.

Letter to my inner child

Good morning, my little survivor, I seem to be quite smitten with you.   

Since I have found you, I have been unable to think of anything else. It is so nice to have my head filled with light, positive thoughts about myself.

I feel the color being poured back into this world without and it is no longer draining out.

I am currently listening to a new self help book on trauma called The body keeps the score.

I know I should be reading, but honestly I prefer listening so I signed up for an Amazon audible free trial and was able to get the book for free.  Cha ching!  I know you like getting deals :D

I intend on educating myself as much as I can so I think an investment in audible will be a good investment for me.  After all, we will never know what we are looking for if we don’t know WHAT we are looking for.  Thanks mom!

Weekly talk therapy session

Yesterday I had my weekly therapy session. I told my therapist about our breakthrough and read her my first letter to you.   

Writing with heart, not with my head

After finishing the letter I glanced up to see my therapist’s head preparing to explode with amazement.  She knows how I was, and now realizes how far I have came.

She was admittedly speechless.  

I guess that is what happens when you start writing with your heart instead of your head.

Therapy conversation topics

We had very productive conversations.  She some things I had not considered and thus repaid the me with my own head explosion.

Things that my therapist helped me realize.

  • I knew my LSD experimentation saved my life when I had my rig malfunction at 150 ft.

  • I didn’t consider the possibility that it saved me in the war as well.

    • For the rig malfunction I was able to recognize a dangerous mental shift caused a lack of oxygen.

    • I was able to buffer myself from the immense mental stress of disarming IEDs by disconnecting from reality

    • Since the brain can and did create its own LSD like effects while we were in the war zone I think I was able to separate from the war and get into some sort of state where the stress couldn’t reach me mentally.

This is an important realization for me.   

I have often felt worried that I have some sort of immense stress built up from disarming bombs.

I know I didn’t escape it all, but I can find relief this:

I was able to get away from some of the war’s stress due to my already bad dissociation.

That knowledge is incredibly beneficial because I have always felt guilty for feeling less affected by the war than I feel I should have been with what I experienced. 

Who knows though.  I am sure my view and world will change once again when as I peel back another layer and find a whole new can of worms to deal with in my inner world.

Other lessons that I have learned recently.

Knowledge is power.  You will never find what you are looking for if you do not educate yourself on what to look for.

If you want to overcome your mental health struggles you need to find the strength and energy to treat it like are getting a college degree.

The negative voices quieted by my first letter to my inner child have been replaced with positive thoughts.

Life isn’t sunshine and farts.  Just because you have good days does not mean you won’t have bad days.  Having the tools to help you float on the bad days will keep you on your path to healing.

If your inner world is negative, your outer world is negative.  If you inner world is positive, your outer world will be as well.

Thanks so much for reading. 

May you use your mind, listen to your body, and follow your soul to guide you on the path to balance.

The moment my internal voice separated from my inner child's

The moment my internal voice separated from my inner child's