Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression.  EMDR #2

Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression. EMDR #2

battling PTSD Depression blog therapy session

Mental health stories of battling PTSD and depression. EMDR #2

By Adam Coleman

Mental health story intro

Hey everyone!  If you would like to start at the beginning of my therapy session stories you can click on the hyperlink here.   

When I have been to therapy in the past I almost always come out of it completely exhausted.  Usually, I think it is because I am completely rigid, and trying to hold my emotions in.  Well, I just got back from my session, and it was actually refreshing.   Probably because of the breathing exercises that my therapist had me do at the end which I will go into more detail in this particular post.

What you will find in this mental health story article:

  • On the way to therapy

  • Therapist intro

  • EMDR

  • Quitting my job at fedex to focus on mental health

  • The daily homework given to me by my therapist

Today I am going to give sort of a play by play on how this whole session went so let's get started, shall we?  

ON THE WAY TO THERAPY

Thought while walking

My therapist is only 5 blocks away so I am fortunate enough to be able to walk to my sessions.   If you can find someone that close, I highly recommend it.   

As I was walking and thinking about random things that I may need to bring up during my session an interesting question popped into my head.  

Do I have OCD or some sort of compulsive disorder?

I started wondering this while reflecting on some of my behaviors which I will list below.

  • Constant fixation on new things I have learned to become as good as I can be at the said new skill.

  • Fixating on negative thoughts, feelings, or past experiences constantly replayed in my head.

  • While in heated conversations with my wife, I fixate on things that aren't really the important issues of the conversation.

Does it really matter if I have these issues? 

It matters that I am learning about myself so it is important to know that I do this, and try to work on realizing when I am doing it.  I think that is a nice realization to have.

Depression & PTSD therapy topics

THERAPIST INTRO

My session was at 10:30 and I arrived about 10 minutes early.   When I got into our room she asked how my glass class went which I am in the process of writing about so when it is up there will be a link here.  

In short, I really struggled with the class and wasn't even really able to enjoy it, until the last day which was disappointing, but sort of expected with the way things have been going. 

EMDR

I was surprised to find out that my therapist thought that we should get right into EMDR within the next couple of session.  She seems to think that it will help with my depression and PTSD issues.

Determining what I wanted to focus on

She asked me what problems that are currently affecting me the most so we could tackle that problem.   I really want to get this depression under control so that is where I thought we should start.   She seemed to agree so we went to the next step of getting ready for EMDR.

Targeting specific memories

She asked me to think back to my first experiences in my childhood where I had negative thoughts, which was EXTREMELY difficult to do.  It was like I had some sort of mental fog that I just couldn't see through.   

Also, my childhood doesn't seem that traumatic to me.  I was never abused.   I just felt lonely, but that is a whole other story in itself which I may get into eventually.

The best I could come up with was my when I started noticing girls.  I was extremely shy and didn't know how to approach them.   I believe this is the root of where my negativity came from.   As a teen, I started beating myself up for being afraid of talking to a very specific girl in my class (Who ironically, happens to be my wife now).

I think I started being negative toward myself because I was afraid of being rejected which seems so cliche to me, but it is probably the truth.   I think it is something I will have to explore later.

QUITTING MY JOB AT FEDEX TO FOCUS ON MY MENTAL HEALTH

I have been wanting to quit my job at FedEx for a few months now.  I have been working there for about 8 months now, and while most days are fine, but I absolutely hate Saturdays.   Let's just say my Saturdays have been a large source of depression.  AKA anger focused inward.   

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I can't be angry at the customers who have things shipped to their house, yet they don't have house numbers on their houses or be angry at the GPS for taking me to the middle of nowhere so I take my anger and frustration out on myself.

The plan

My wife and I came up with a theoretical plan which may actually turn into a reality.  This plan consists of me quitting my job at FEDEX with the stipulation that I have to have some structure in place to keep me on a positive path.  

3 days a week renovating

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 I would be working on the house we are currently renovating so we can move in before 2067.   

2 days a week volunteering

2 days a week I would be volunteering at the Pittsburgh Glass center as a teaching assistant ( Which I love doing, and get studio time to create my own glass).

House chores to keep my wife happy

I would take care of most of the house chores, and try to make food the best way I can :\

Walking to relieve stress

I would take daily 1 hour minimum walks to help clear my brain, and relieve stress.

Failing to comply with the plan

If I do not stick with the above plan I have to donate $2000.00 to an organization I do not support.   Maybe Montsanto or the Church of Scientology.  There is NO WAY IN HELL I would miss a day.

My daily homework

Breathing exercies

  • Give shape, color, and temperature to the tension in my body

  • Visualize grounding to the earth to get rid of negative energy. I really liked the thought of this!

  • Visualize bringing a cool or warm light into the areas of the body that I can feel my stress in.

 

 

Starting EMDR therapy | EMDR session #1

Starting EMDR therapy | EMDR session #1

Top 3 brain zap home remedies I used tot treat my SSRI withdrawals

Top 3 brain zap home remedies I used tot treat my SSRI withdrawals